Consecrated
by ChocolateKurosu
Summary: What would have happened if there the raid never happened? If Travis never came, and if Mary married Harry? Would she still take the path?
1. Decisions

***Disclaimer*: I do not own The Forest of Hands and Teeth. I hope Carrie Ryan wouldn't murder me for using her characters.**

I can feel my heart breaking. I am ripping apart, a seam tearing down my chest, leaving jagged edges. I can see Travis standing in front of the cathedral, Cass's hand in his. I watch as she stretches up to kiss his cheek, see the way his face flushes with pleasure. The blood begins to spill out of the void inside me, taking any reason for living with it. Somewhere in the back of my mind I am aware that I am shaking as Harry and I step onto the pedestal to join Travis and Cass, to be married.

Harry puts an arm around my shoulders and whispers in my ear, "I love you, Mary." I know he means it to reassure me, but his words tear me open further, guilt ripping at my flesh. I wish I could say the words back, could give him the love that he deserves.

I listen numbly to Sister Tabitha's prayers and barely notice a plain silver ring being slipped on my finger. Travis is kissing Cass, the village is wishing them luck and they are walking away to their new home. Their new life. A life that does not include me. Whatever tie Travis and I once shared is breaking. My chance of life with him, a life of happiness, has vanished. The pain is so acute that I must turn away. I cannot bear to see their happiness any longer.

* **

"Oh, Mary…." Harry moans. His hands caress my body and all I can think about is how wrong this is. This is never what I wanted, not the way I thought my life would go. It is my wedding night, after all. It should be a happy time.

"Mary?" Harry whispers. "Are you ready?" No, I think to myself. I will never be ready for this. How does one go about sleeping with your childhood friend? With someone you don't love, not in that way. I do love Harry. But I love him as a friend, a brother.

He slides his hands up my body and I cringe. He takes it as encouragement and peels off his shirt. I want to tell him to stop, but the guilt holds my tongue. Harry deserves better than me. He deserves a girl who can fully love him, one who will be happy in the village. A girl who is content to be trapped behind these fences. I feel as though I owe this small thing to Harry. I close my eyes and my heart.

I know little of love making. My mother died before she could ever tell me, but Harry seems to know what he's doing. I think about my mother and how madly in love she was with my father. Was their wedding night like this? Harry is gentle and loving with me and I try to enjoy the feeling, but I can't help wonder what it would have been like with Travis. I imagine that it's Travis' hands on my hips, his voice whispering "I love you" in my ears. His child I will bear. His arms around me, for the rest of our lives.

When Harry is done he holds me and falls into a sound sleep, and I realize. I understand now that I can never be happy here. I can never be content with Harry, no matter how good he is to me. Why didn't Travis come for me? He never loved you, I tell myself and my heart screams in protest. Tears stream down my face as I throw off the blankets and go to the little frosted by the bed. I stare out at the Unconsecrated, past the fence, down the path and towards the unknown. I wonder, what makes them "unconsecrated" and us so holy? In that moment I make my decision. I look at Harry's peaceful figure and know in my heart what I must do.

**Should I continue?? Let me know and REVIEW!!!**


	2. Determined

**I'm sorry that this has taken so long! I wasn't happy with the last chapter, so I've decided to go in a different direction. I hope you like this a little more, and I'll be sure to update sometime this week! As always, I own nothing of The Forest of Hands and Teeth, everything belongs to Carrie Ryan.**

Dawn broke through the spindly trees, weak light drawing shadows across the ground like gnarled fingers. I sit at the window of the cottage, I refuse to think of it as _our_ cottage, staring out at the forest. I wonder absently whether the sunrise looks different over the ocean.

A light kiss on my neck breaks my reverie, and I turn to see Harry.

"Morning." I mutter impassively. "I was just about to make breakfast."

"Sounds great. How did you sleep?" He says with a smile. His good cheer irritates me much more than it should.

"Fine." I walk to the stove, pull out some pots and begin beating eggs rather forcefully.

"…Mary? Is something the matter?" His brows furrow in confusion. "Are you alright?" 'No. Of course not.' I want to say, watching the yolks break and swirl into a gooey mess. I take a moment to swallow my words and compose my features before turning to face him with a smile.

"I'm fine. Perfectly fine. Can you get the plates please?" Harry accepts my lie with relief, and we settle into our first day as husband and wife.

To anyone who happens to pass by our window, we are the picture of a happy couple. We eat, talk, laugh and allow ourselves chaste kisses. But on the inside, I am broken. I go through the motions of the day, a shell of my old self. An actress, carrying out an elaborate tableau. For Harry's benefit, I hope he cannot see through my show. As the days turn into weeks, I continue to sit by our window for a moment each morning, releasing the damaged girl inside to cry silently. Once the sun has fully risen, she is locked safely back in the cage of my mind, and the Shell-Mary wakes her husband and prepares for the day.

During one of these indulgent morning sessions, as I absently watch a young Unconsecrated boy tug submissively at the fence, I realize that there is little difference between him and myself. Neither of us is really living. We go with resignation through the days, following motions and expectations. My mother would be ashamed. She would be embarrassed with me, how easily I gave up. For her, I finally open my eyes. I cannot continue like this any longer. I leave Harry, sleeping peacefully in our bed, and walk out into the morning fog with new hope.

* * *

I don't realize where my feet are taking me until I am already there. The hill by the watchtower. My sanctuary, the only refuge I have left. But this morning is different. I am not alone at the hill's crest. Leaning against the watchtower, with his back towards me, is the one person I have been desperately avoiding for weeks. Travis.

I know I should turn and walk away. Go home to Harry. But the familiar curve of his shoulders and careless mess of his hair, catch my breath and freeze me in place. I just stand and stare at his back, longing for him to turn so that I can memorize his face again, while simultaneously terrified that he will do just that, and discover me. Although I had relentlessly avoided him in town, I couldn't help hearing about him. The girls at the bakery gossiped that he and Cass were very happy together, "_Especially at night, if you know what I mean!!"_ He had gotten a job as an apprentice blacksmith and would one day take over the business. Any mention of him made me sick, my stomach twisting and breath catching in my throat.

When the cursed sun has nearly fully risen, a mocking half grin in the sky, Travis stands and turns.

His eyes widen in surprise. "Mary - I…" He breaks off, stares at the ground.

"Why didn't you come for me?" I demand, more harshly than I intended. Travis continues to stare at the earth, apparently he has found some fascinating sign in the ground that is lost on me. "Did you even love me?" I choke.

"I…yes, Mary, I loved you. But I couldn't. I couldn't come for you." He still won't meet my eyes.

"Why?" I shriek, tottering on the narrow precipice of hysteria. "Why in God's name not?!"

"Mary. Please." He walks towards me, now so close that we could touch.

"Why?" His nearness is too painful, and I fall from the edge. Rebellious sobs shake my chest, and I am ashamed at my weakness.

Travis takes a rattling breath and sighs. "You have to understand. I couldn't hurt Harry like that. He's my brother, Mary. I just couldn't."

"But you could hurt me? You could marry Cass without even telling me? Do I mean that little to you?" I want to grab him, to shake him into making sense.

"I'm sorry, Mary." Is all he says. Travis reaches across the invisible barrier that separates us and brushes the hair off my face. His touch is a flame, sparking along my skin. After a moment, he turns to walk away.

Without thinking, I blurt out, "I'm leaving. The town, I mean. I can't stay here any longer." Travis whips around again, and I can tell he thinks I'm joking. "The sea is out there. And I will find it. I know I will."

"That's madness, Mary! Madness! You can't _leave._ No one leaves!"

"Don't tell me what to do Travis! You lost any sway over me when you married Cass." I shout daggers at him, I want my words to hurt him, and that scares me.

His face crumples in shock. "I'll tell Harry." He tells himself, sure that this will stop me. "Yes, Harry will talk sense into you."

"Not this time, Travis. Not this time."

I leave him where he stands, rooted like a tree. No matter what they say, I am determined to find the sea, and with it my mother's whispered worlds of old. After all, what do I have left to lose?

**By the way, have you read the Dead Tossed Waves yet? It's pretty good, but not quite as good as the first, in my opinion.**


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